OH MY GOD!! IT'S A BLOG POST!!!!!

That's right, I'm back! Did ya miss me?
So, yeah, as many of you know, I've been home from Germany for a week now, and I'm sure that those of you who read all of these posts *cough*Lauren*cough* are wondering what the hell I've been doing.
I've been contemplating closing the blog.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been in a terrible writing slump. I can't seem to write anything that I think is any good, but I am trying. At the moment I have two big writing projects going on, a collection of my poetry and a play that I honestly need to have finished writing in the next month!!! (I'm terrified), so as you might guess, the blog is sort of low on my list of important things that need to be worked on, writing wise.
I would have written more about Germany, but at the moment I cannot put pictures from the trip on the internet (school rules), and probably won't be able to for at least another week or two. I'd really rather have pictures to go with my explanation of why Germany is so incredible, because words really can't do it justice, so that's another reason I haven't put anything up, because the moment I do, someone is going to go, "What about Germany??"
So, between the rule about pictures and my awful writer's block, I haven't really felt any reason to write on the blog.
Today though, something magical happened.
I wrote a poem that I LIKED!!!
So, that's what I have for you today. Keep in mind that it's really still a first draft, which means that I give all of you permission to tear it to shreds. Have fun.

Father's Day

Celebrating father's
day without you,
is like a bar of chocolate
without its wrapper-
exposed to the burning son-
(I've never felt freer).

Seriously though, guys, rip this thing to shreds; that's why I put poems up here.

Thing to be grateful for today: Random acts of assurance.

Still Alive

I'm still very much alive.
Happy Father's day to all of you awesome dads out there.

Thing to be grateful for today: The endorphins produced by German chocolate.

Mini Photo Album

I don't have time to upload a ton of photos to the blog today, so you'll have to live with the few that I have time to put up. The first four are from Friday, but the last one was taken yesterday evening.

Here's a picture of our Darmstadt super-adventure group outside of Darmstadt's very own castle:

I'm impressed that I was able to take very good pictures of our group by myself. However, I apparently cannot do that and look into the camera at the same time.

This was an INCREDIBLE mural in the front hall of a tower in Darmstadt that I went to with a few of the above individuals. It might be my favorite thing so far.

This green spinning thing at the playground of the local Waldorf School might top it though.

We had a lot of fun with that. :D

Apparently, they have pizza that comes with a salad on top in Germany. That AMAZED me!! I had to get a photo of it.

Looks deliscious, right??

Later, we got ice cream. You wouldn't believe how good German ice cream is.

Finally, yesterday, I went over to the house of another person's host family and we made fajitas! They were surprisingly tasty. Apparently, contrary to what I've heard, Germans can make Tex-Mex. Provided, our team of cooks was actually two Texans and a German, but we did it!!

Here are my fellow chefs:

So, that's what I've done for the past two days (actually, that's a tiny taste of what I've done, but I'll post more on that later.).

I love you guys!!

Thing to be grateful for today: My fellow Texas students.

Ich Bin Laufen

(I Am Walking)

I am going to try and post pictures from Germany very soon! It is so beautiful here! My homestay girl is watching Germany's Next Top Model while I write this.

Today, my confidence plummeted. I just feel very overwhelmed by being surrounded by a language I do not understand. I'm trying, and I am listening as closely as I can, but today I just felt very lost. By the end of the day, I was almost exclusively speaking in English, so there were not many people I could hold a full conversation with easily. I know it will get better, but for now it is stressful.

On a happier note, I baked a heart-shaped cake with my homestay partner, Anna, last night. It was a basic batter with nutella added. We layered apple slices on top and then sprinkled it with a crumbly mixture of butter, sugar, and flour. It was so deliscious! I'm going to try and recreate it when I return to the United States.

Tschüss!!

Thing to be grateful for: My awesome teacher, Dr. Miller.

DEUTSCHLAND!!!!!

Hey guys!

I'm in Amstadt, a little town outside of Darmstadt. It's SO beautiful here. Everything is very green and there are trees everywhere. Now, I thought Austin had a lot of greenery, but Germany completely blows us out of the water!!!!

(Disclaimer: You may see an oddly placed Z or Y, and that is because for some reason those keys are switched on German keyboards. Go figure.)

Anyway, it's great here. I went walking through the town yesterday, and today I took a tram to Darmstadt. Both are amazing! The houses are very old and lovely. Also, you know what's amazing? In Germany, you can buy a really good scoop of ice cream for less than one American dollar!!!! Crazy, huh?

I realized something very imporant and disturbing while going through customs yesterday...I do not speak German very well at all...The man checking my passport asked me how long I would be travelling in Germany and I found that I did not know the word for week!!! Fortunately, I've had a miraculous build up of vocabulary over the last 24 hours, and am now able to say that I will be in Germany for 'drei Wochen'. It's a good skill to have.

The school I am going to right now is incredible! It's a huge circle! Everyone is very friendly and not at all upset when I take a full minute trying to say something totally basic. :P

Honestly, I'm surprised by how quickly I am learning and remembering how to speak German. The human mind is an amazing thing.

However, the most difficult thing for me so far has not been the language...It has been the shower. I spent at least five minutes standing butt naked in the bathroom trying to figure out how to turn it on. I would have been horribly embaressed to ask for help so I just stood there trying everything I could think of. I even went and looked for a switch on the wall because I've heard stories of people needing to use a light switch to turn on the shower in Europe.

Tschüss!

Thing to be grateful for today: Kind and understanding people.

Goodbye, America

Tomorrow at eight fifteen, I will be arriving at the airport and officially on my way to Germany.
I'm all packed and ready.
Thanks for being awesome; I'll post when I can.
Auf Wiedersehen!
Thing to be grateful for today: Life-changing experiences.

Yaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn

I took the SAT today. Then I went to a graduation, followed by a graduation after party. After that, I went to a party celebrating one of my more amazing friends. I left my house at about seven twenty this morning and did not come back until after midnight...that means that I spent a good seventeen hours on the go today...Needless to say, I am very tired, and totally ready for bed. However, I owe you guys a post, so here's something!

I realized something very important while talking to a good friend of mine today. Writing poems that can also be songs will make my poetry SO much better. That is not to say that poems without set rhyme and rhythm are not good poems, only that using those tools in such an unforgiving medium as songwriting will teach me the skills I need to then write BETTER poems without set rhyme or rhythm.
That's why, this summer, I'm going on a song writing frenzy. I'll probably be humming tunes at random times all throughout Germany (Will, Greg, bear with me). I've even got some plans to take poems I've already written and make them into songs. I'm really excited about doing that, especially with poetry that I'm not 100% happy with. This will give me a great chance to look over my old work and critique it while still keeping myself amused
When poetry drops from your mouth like drops of water, making rings in the air, you know it is good poetry. THAT is why I am doing this. Poetry is at its highest state when it is spoken aloud. Song is just the next step from that.
Wish me luck! (Again)

Thing to be grateful for today: The people who inspire me.

Film Review

I have to take the SAT tomorrow. I'm not very nervous I guess, but then sometimes I get nervous because I'm worried that I'll get nervous and my nerves will make me do badly...But I'm ignoring that as best I can. I've just about got my bag packed for that ( 3 no. 2 pencils, a calculator, water, and snack). Then I have to pack my suitcase for Germany. So...It's a busy night.

However! I do have something to talk about. Brokeback Mountain.
I finally saw Brokeback Mountain today, and I've got a lot to say about it. First off, there is a very good remark upon our society underlying the whole thing. We live in a world in which many people do not feel comfortable coming out to their family and friends. That is why it is so powerful for two straight men to take on the role of two male characters who fall in love and have a very powerful emotional and sexual connection. When two straight men can step out of there own societally ingrained fear of being perceived as "unmanly" or (God help us!) homosexual and act out these two parts with nothing held back, the door to all of the closet's in the world are opened just the tiniest bit.
What else is beautiful about this film is that it does not make a big deal about labeling. All too often, people feel that, if they are different, they need to cling to a label so that they can feel that they are at least a part of some community. I've done it. To some extent I still do that, and I recognize it, and it's something that I work on, because it is so much more important to be who you are than to be what you are. Sure, you can be gay, Jewish, black, hispanic, bisexual, whatever, but that is infinitely less important than who you are. Brokeback Mountain never addresses the "What are we?" question, because that would have spoiled the love and tenderness that is in the film.
Another big reason I found for loving this film is it's complete acceptance of male sexuality and emotionality. There was no glossing over. These men were certainly in love with one another, but that didn't mean that they were wild and even animal when they made love. They were privately emotional, as so many men are, but when they did open up it was powerful emotion; it completely filled the screen. All too often, our society does not allow for men to be portrayed as both nurturing and loving and powerful and sexual. There is this bullshit idea that runs rampant in our world that raging sexuality and power cannot coexist with love and nurturing in a single moment. I completely disagree and could not think that this film demonstrated that point more beautifully.
The film embraced the idea of very masculine homosexuality, which is an all too often ignored part of our society. Society is much less interested in masculine gay men, because they aren't funny. It isn't funny when gay men stay within "normal" gender roles; it's funny when gay men are flamboyant, boa-wearing queens. The fact of the matter is though, that gay men aren't all queens. There are actually "man's man" (hehehe) gay men out there. Brokeback Mountain fully expressed that aspect of homosexuality, and I really appreciated that.

Overall, it was an amazing film and I would immediately recommend it to anyone.

Thing to be grateful for today: Good films.

HOLY CRAP I FORGOT!!!!

I dropped the ball...
Shit...
I've been feeling depressed today, and now I'm wondering at the purpose of the blog and if its even worth it. I don't even know if more than two people read it anymore. Can I have a shout out just to see who does? If you read the blog with any regularity, can you let me know in the comments? Thanks.

In happier news, I got a signed letter from Barack Obama today for volunteering with Citizen Schools (the program I teach knitting through) for multiple semesters. We had our end of year party today congratulating all of the staff members and volunteers for all their hard work and in the process I was given an envelope containing the aforementioned letter, a presidential medal of acknowledgment for my volunteer work and a diploma from the president. I felt pretty special.
Honestly though, it meant way more to me when I got a big ol' card that my kids and coworkers had signed thanking me for being there. One kid's thank you note was particularly touching. Honestly, the party helped a lot.
Three days until Germany.

Thing to be grateful for: Spray 'N Wash

Good Intentions

So, for the past few days, as summer has been out, I've totally been meaning to do a lot of things...I've only accomplished a few.
I WANTED to work on my German every day (I haven't).
I WANTED to clean my room straight away (I did it today...teehee...rhyme).
I WANTED to not drink coffee, because I have the SAT on Saturday, and I don't want to be strung out (I've had a cup every day).
I WANTED to get to bed by nine every night (I've gotten to sleep past midnight every night).
I WANTED to pack my bags for Germany last Saturday (I still haven't).
I WANTED to finish my old journal last Friday (I did on Sunday).
I WANTED to write a really awesome blog post every night (I haven't).


See, I haven't been a total failure. My good intentions have all been present...they've just had belated results.
DON'T JUDGE!!!

Thing to be grateful for today: Getting things done...eventually...

It's Here...

Summer has officially begun!

You could see that immediately upon walking into the pool today. It was crowded...very crowded...I spent a wonderful day laying in the sun and swimming with all of my awesome friends. It was actually a good-bye party for one of my dear pals who is moving back to Spain this summer, but it was still a really wonderful time and everyone who went really enjoyed it. We started around midday and it was really freaking hot, but that was ok, because the pool itself is a chilly 68 degrees Fahrenheit, so once you've gotten in, your body is more than happy to be in the sun for a while.
At one point, we walked down to get food. We decided on traditional summer food, burgers, fries, milkshakes, etc. Yet again, the summer's presence was denoted by the large crowd at this traditional summer hot spot (hahhaha!). On our way back though, look what I saw!!!



A real life knitting graffiti artist at work! In the spirit of total nerdiness, I took this picture holding up my current project, which I was of course toting around with me the whole time. It was tons of fun. Thanks to Reed for taking this picture for me.

You want to know the true sign that it was summer? See that piece of knitting up there? I didn't knit a stitch of it today.

Thing to be grateful for today: FUN!

A Midsummer Night's Dream

A Midsummer Night's Dream is perhaps my favorite of Shakespeare's plays, and certainly of his comedies.It is beautifully done and filled with incredible juxtapositions. The storyline is all at once very easy to follow and riddled with gems of profundity. Tonight, I went and saw my second production of this show. It was definitely the better of the two (enraged Waldorks, fear not, I did not see this year's Middle School production, so I'm not comparing it to anything).
I took very little issue with the show. It stuck, for the most part, to the original text, relying on costuming and small line changes to bring the show into a 1950's setting. The major difference was, not surprisingly, the show's transformation into a rock opera. The songs were short and few, which was a blessing as few of them really did much to add to the show I'm afraid. All of the actors though were quite good.
Puck stole the show. He was funny, clever, wild, and sexy all at once, everything a good Puck should be. I'm not sure who this guy is (I'll find out), but he really gave new and powerful life to one of my absolute favorite Shakespearean characters. His delivery of the final lines of the show was beautifully done and I'm so grateful to have seen him perform.

Thing to be grateful for today: See above.

Quickie

Hey,
So I've been running around all day (cleaning house, making food, going to the bank, etc.), and am at my house for a brief, relaxing few minutes before heading out again, so I figured I ought to drop a line now. Love you guys!

Thing to be grateful for today: Endings that are only beginnings in suits.

Homework

After staying up past midnight nearly every night this week, I'm done. School is over. I will not be returning until the middle of August, and I couldn't be happier.
Don't get me wrong. I love school. I love to learn, and I love my friends and my teachers (most of them), but eleventh grade has been very hard. In fact, if I'm being totally honest, it pretty much kicked the shit out of me. I'm glad that it's over, but I'm also entirely grateful to have had the experience, because I've noticed that the hardest parts of my life also happen to be the times that I learn the most.
Wow. I just got distracted for an hour going through the Savage Love archives...
You know what, if you don't know what Savage Love is, go google it. NOW!

Thing to be grateful for today: NO HOMEWORK!!!

One Day More

...is a great song...
Anyway, I've got one last night with WAY too much homework (yay for procrastination and early onset senioritis!). Tomorrow, blogging resumes with better posts.

Thing to be grateful for today: Endings.

Pretty colors...

So, I wanted to thank you all for being so patient with the scant posts lately. It's been a pretty intense week, so thanks for not expecting much. Today, I thought I'd distract you with my latest project.



LOOK AT THE PRETTY COLORS!!!

Thing to be grateful for today: My teachers that let me knit in class.

SO CLOSE!!!!!!

Hey everybody! I'm alive, and am continuing to persevere towards my final goal (SUMMER!!!)

Thing to be grateful for today: Essays that interest me.

Seriously

Don't expect much in the way of anything but a daily, "I'm alive, but only because coffee exists," message this week. I'm completely swamped.
I love you all.

Thing to be grateful for today: The nice people who've helped me get home this year when I was at school without a ride.

EDIT!!!!

SO, you might have noticed that yesterday's post sucked ass. There's a reason for that. I wrote it at eleven o'clock at night and didn't bother to edit it. I know that sometimes I don't write anything worth reading on here, but school is out for the summer starting on Friday, and I'm hoping that after that, I will be writing much more profound things (as opposed to TRYING to write about profound things and failing miserably). Of course, after about a week of that, I'll be heading off to Germany where I will hopefully be posting every few days. I will have some internet access there, but it will be very limited.
Anyway, I really appreciate those of you who read every day and am ALWAYS ready to hear criticism. If you think a post is absolute, total crap, please tell me. I'm trying to use this blog as a tool to become a better writer, and last night I did not post anything close to my potential. That was so far away from what I like to think of as my potential that it was on another planet.
I wish I had more time to write on the blog tonight, but I have to write four lab write-ups for my botany class and a first draft of my 2000 word paper on Japanese involvement in World War II. Here's to next week, when I will no longer be in this living hell called eleventh grade.

Thing to be grateful for today: The finish line that I can almost see.

Fate

Today, fate intervened in my life. It was a quite lovely.
For a week or so, my mom have been planning on going to our bank and starting up a debit account under my name so I won't have to carry around shit-tons of money while I'm in Germany. My mom and I went ahead and did it this morning. We went to our bank, which is about five minutes away from our house, and had just sat down with a woman who was going to help us create my account when we found out that we needed my social security number to do so and had to go back to the house to get it.
When we came back, the woman who had been helping us before was busy, so we were handed off to another woman. This woman told us that this was not her regular branch and that she was just there for the day. We began setting up the account, and in doing so had to of course explain that I would be using my card in Germany next month. It turns out that this woman was half-German and she and I ended up talking for a good half hour about the country and its people and history. It was amazing.
She told me about visiting the country, not only as a child, but later on as an adult, and about her relatives who lived there. She hadn't been there for a visit for years. We both attempted to speak German to one another, though neither of us were particularly successful. By the end of it, we both felt very good. She and I hugged. It was very emotional and beautiful.
To think that, had I decided to get my account set up another day, or had she been at her normal branch, or had my mom and I brought my social security number with us to begin with, I never would have met this woman who filled me with confidence about my trip. She told me that our talk had reminded her of how much she missed her family in Germany and had inspired her to try and go as soon as possible, so I like to think that it was really good for the both of us.
That was one of those moments where I plainly see God at work.

Thing to be grateful for today: Little acts of fate.

Amelie

I just finished watching the film Amelie for the second time. It's a truly beautiful film. The life lessons it presents are many but never pushed too hard so as to become unbearable or monotonous. As I see it, the film's major thesis is basically this: "Life is yours for the taking. Don't miss your chance."However, there are many other key themes that run through the film. "Life's a game" is one. I quite like that one. Amelie, someone who always had to play on her own as a child, secretly plays with the lives of other people as an adult. She never ceases to see the fun in inconspicuously helping others, doling out judgment, and bringing interest into otherwise dismal lives.
Amelie is a movie that is, simply put, about life. It isn't about a particularly extraordinary life, just your average one. It is about human nature and the differencecs between living and being an organism. I highly suggest that you watch it (now!).

Thing to be grateful for today: Haircuts

Busy!

Don't bother me. I'm sweeping.
*Sweep sweep sweep*

Thing to be grateful for today: The writers of Lost sort of redeemed themselves this week.

Inspiration Fail

Do you ever have one of those days when you can't think of anything to write about? Yeah...today is one of those days. I'll give it a try for you guys though.
The past twenty-four hours have been a culmination of the stress of the past five months (junior year of high school sucks) flying out of my body with a speed only comparable to that of a five year old when left alone in a room with your favorite book and a box of crayons (the horror!).
What I'm trying to say is, yesterday I was reduced to a screaming mess. It was not my proudest moment. Essentially what happened was, I felt wronged by one of my teachers, and the poor man felt the brute, emotional force of a seventeen year old boy going through a very emotional period of his life. He had no idea what he'd unleashed.
The next day I felt terrible for yelling at him and went to apologize, while still sticking to my firm belief that I as 100% correct in my opinion that he had acted unfairly. That chat did not go as well as I'd liked, but after reflecting about it the rest of the day and having one of the adults in my life that I have the most respect for pointed out just how genuinely kind of a person this man normally is, I went back and made sure that he knew that I really care about him and that he had just picked a terrible time to piss me off.
Lesson of the day: Sometimes, you don't even know how pissed off you are until you take it all out on someone who really doesn't deserve it.
Solution of the day: Know thyself (better than that)

Thing to be grateful for today: That I am a human and that that makes me capable of looking at my mistakes and learning from them.

Always All

First of all, I'd like to extend my greatest thanks to Lauren (yes, that Lauren).
Second of all, I'd like to apologize to everyone who doesn't get the "yes, that Lauren" joke. You're truly a worse person because of it.
Third of all, I'd like to tell you all that I finished the socks today.
Fourth of all, I'd like to show you a picture of said socks, but I can't, because now my computer and my camera are refusing to be friends. Technology is stupid.
Fifth of all, I'd like to go to sleep.

Thing to be grateful for today: Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

Hi, it's Lauren again (yes, that Lauren). Gardiner called me this evening and asked me to guest blog to let you all know that he's fine but has no internet connection. Apparently, he's been stealing the neighbor's wifi for the last year and half and that means he has no recourse when the signal goes down.

Here's hoping that his neighbor reboots the system or pays his DSL bill or whatever the problem may be so that Gardiner can go back to his thieving ways and resume entertaining us each evening.

Now comment!

Clarity

The past few days have brought clarity to multiple areas of my life. It seems that a lot of things are seeing their dust settle.

My play is finally out of the "rampant creativity" stage and into the "let's take all of these ideas, sift through them, and see what works" stage, also known as the refinement stage. That's REALLY exciting because it means that I get to start working on the meat of the thing, and not just the fantasy.

I also have a near-complete pair of socks!



I'm really happy with these, and I think that my next pair will be cabled again.

All right, well that's about it tonight.

Thing to be grateful for today: Opportunities to do something that seems very small for me but is very important for someone else, and the feeling that that gives me.

LOOK!!!

I would like you all to know that I feel very smart right now? See that in the upper left corner? That's the knitting olympics medal that I tried to add to the blog months ago, and failed! Today, I decided to face the odds (and the internet powers that be) and try it again, and I succeeded! This makes me feel very special, because now anyone coming to the blog sees THAT! Yes, I know how superbly nerdy it is to be an olypmic knitter, and no, I couldn't be happier to be a nerd.
That button means that I WON!!! I WON DAMMIT!
Also, I washed the socks for the first time last week. Hold your gasps of horror, I'd only worn them twice, BECAUSE I wasn't sure if they could be machine-washed or not. I found out that they could, popped them in the washer and dryer, and out came what appeared to be smaller socks. I was horrified and awful visions of having to actually give my mother a piece of knitting (she'll get the joke) ran through my head!! Then, I stuck one on and realized that the wash had not shrunk it, but instead compacted it. Now, the socks are a nice, snug fit, which is really quite a lot better than loosy-goosy socks that, while they look cool, kinda droop. The sock no longer have ANY droop, and I thoroughly approve of machine-washed hand-knit socks. They are probably my new favorite thing ever.
That's about it for today.

Thing to be grateful for today: How easy it was to get the second sock of the Alex Through the Looking Glass set back onto it's needles (long story. I'll have a whole blog for it later).

Sing It Out

Well, for fear that Lauren will put a bullet in my face, I'm going to write about Glee today. Glee pretty much rocks. It is honestly one of my absolute favorite shows on television right now. I appreciate how much of a stereotype I am fulfilling by liking this show so much, and I'm ok with that. The show, at its center, has a beautiful message and empowering.
The message of Glee has been the same since day one; everybody is an outcast on some level. At first glance, that's a really depressing message, but its deeper than the surface level. If everyone is an outcast, then no one is, and that means that everyone has at least ONE thing in common other than being human. We can all say that, at some point or another, we've felt rejected and "too different". We're all a bit quirky and have things that many people do not like about us, and that's actually very beautiful. Because we are all like that, we can all relate to the message of Glee and to one another.
I know that this is a bit weird, but one reason I like Glee is that I am the kind of person who desperately wishes it was socially acceptable to burst out into song to express how you feel. Those of you who know me very well at all know that I'm a very expressive person, but that doesn't mean I always feel comfortable being so expressive and clear with my emotions. I think that part of that is because I am uncomfortable feeling real, burning anger. Social norms require that we, to a certain extent, bridle in our feelings. Song though, song lets you be just who you are, no questions. One of my best outlets for anger is singing. When you're so pissed you feel like you might burst it can be really amazing to turn on a wild, loud song and sing until you're mouth is dry and your lungs are empty. Glee lets me pretend for forty-five minutes that it's ok to open my mouth and sing out my feelings.
Glee is actually a very magical show. The writing can be lackluster, but it's normally pretty good, and all of the characters are great. The actors and actresses on Glee are all very talented and know just how to express what it is to be living in adolescence. When I watch Glee, I often feel that the characters are like overblown versions of the people I know and love. It inspires me and let's me feel like I'm not the only one who sings when life is too much.

I know that I've been writing about Glee this whole time, but I need just one moment for another show that I love, Heroes. Today, it was announced that, after four seasons, Heroes has been canceled. Let's all please take a moment of silence for one of my absolute favorite shows. Heroes plays into an essential part of who I am, my fascination with superpowers. I've loved the idea of having a superhuman ability since I was very small, and still am. I think about it all the time. Sometimes, I'll be in a totally every day situation and wonder what it would be like if I had some ability or another.

Thing to be grateful for today: Theater

Foolish!

I'm sorry. I have a confession to make. Tonight, I sat up much too late on facebook, and did not think of anything particularly good to write about...Please don't hate me for too long.

Thing to be grateful for today: MY LOVELY AND UNDERSTANDING READERS!!!

(Also this quote: "Gay marriage will lead to bestiality. Just like giving women the right to vote led to hamster's having the right to vote.")

Blurgh...

I really don't feel like writing anything very exciting tonight, and its late...so I think I'll bitch about my socks really fast and then say goodnight.
Basically, I have two socks that are kicking my ass right now. I brought two different socks, from two different pairs around with me today so that I could be assure knitting all day. That didn't work out so well. Around four o'clock, I found myself with one sock that I had taken off of the needles to pull halfway out. Of course, I had been stupid and left the needles in my car, so I couldn't even put the sock back on the dang things. "Never fear," I thought to myself. You have your second sock to work on. Unfortunately, that sock required very specific cabling that I needed a cable needle for. Guess what? No cable needle. I deconstructed a pen and used its inner-most piece to cable...and then looked back and saw a mistake half a row back. Normally, half a row back is not such a big deal, but when it is in sock yarn, with a cable every few stitches, and the cables are sprouting of stitches that you magically created the row before, and so if they drop, you can't pick them up, because they cease to exist, it can be a LITTLE BIT STRESSFUL!!!!

They say that knitting calms a person down. I don't know who "they" are, but they're a bunch of goddamn liars!

(Disclaimer: I love knitting except for days like this when the sight of my pointy, too-effeminate (I hate that they're pink) double-pointed needles (I also hate that they're double-pointed...don't ask) sticking out of my bag is a horrible reminder of my failures.)

Thing to be grateful for today: That knitting is not my job and my family does not rely on me to churn out knitted objects to survive.

Like a Speeding Train Full of Bricks, Really

Do you ever have one of those moments where you hear about something and something it just hits your head like a ton of bricks and you think, "That's for me. I'm supposed to do that."? I had that happen this afternoon. I was talking with a friend who just happened to mention the "Camino de Santiago de Campostela", a set of paths that spider their way across all of Europe. Campostela is a city on the northwestern coast of Spain known as the burial place of St. James. For hundreds of years, people have made the journey from their doorstep to Campostela as a pilgrimage.
Pilgimages, as I understand them, are religious journeys whereby an individual discovers themselves and God or pays some kind of penance by walking. I identify with all but the latter goal. For me, the idea of walking from France and into and across Spain as a mostly solitary quest for self and God is incredibly appealing. There are monasteries and inns all along the way that are very used to pilgrims and show excellent hospitality to them.
The route I am most seriously considering--though, of course, this is all still seriously in the speculation and wishing stage because I haven't spoken to many people at all about it, including my parents and I wouldn't just fly across the Atlantic and walk around Europe without some SERIOUS planning--ahem--the route I am most seriously considering is "el camino primitivo", which is a very traditional path, but not the most common one today. El camino primitivo is about 200 miles through Spain with little in the way of flat terrain as I understand it. I've been reading up on the paths and the benefits of el camino primitivo is that the people along it are supposed to be incredibly friendly and helpful and that the path is not as horribly crowded as the most popular path, "el camino Frances."
If I were to take the pilgrimage, I would do it next summer (not in a month, but in thirteen), which would mean I would be just getting out of high school and will have already been to Europe once and had that experience. I will have also had over a year to plan the trip and make sure that I'm totally prepared; if I seriously start considering and planning this I'm going to have to start walking EVERYWHERE to get my legs ready.
Well, anyway, I thought I'd share my fanciful dream with you tonight. If it doesn't work out next summer, maybe I'll do it while I'm in college or later. I'd absolutely love to do it, because I think a trip like that could be good for me in a crazy amount of ways, but I won't be completely heartbroken if I don't get to do it next year, because I have an entire life ahead of me to do with what I will.

Thing to be grateful for today: Discovery.

Poetic Double Whamee!

I want to go to bed, but I don't want to just give you guys ONE poem, so instead I'll give you two. One is REALLY old. We're talking old enough that the paper has yellowed around the edges. The other is from a few months ago. The prior was written during a writing workshop, the latter during an algebra two test.

"An Expression of Adolescent Rage"

For some reason (unknown)
I can't think,
can't speak,
can't write.
Can't know.
Can't EXPRESS!
My feelings so raging, writhe
like a million manatees
SCREAMING
for my ATTENTION!
(What winged demons do catch it?)
For HOW I THINK
(too far)
With these beasts under my hair?
How can I know myself
from them? how can I be?
(And YOU!)
You who says
(You think you know what you speak)
I write for you(?!)
And you alone.
(The mirror's friend can know what you mean.)
How simplistic you are!
(And childish)
And YOU too, who knows NOT!
(But why should they?)
How I Think I Feel.
(But how should I know
with manatees raging
'neath my skull.)
How dare?
How dare you not know
What I THINK I FEEL?
(What I cannot know
(for clouds))
I write!
I write for you
(and you too)
I write not exclusively
for you(you too).
I write for many!
things.
Bees! and Bears! and tress,
I write. for me. for you.
(you too)
I write for bees-
and bears-
(trees)
I-
write for me.


"Dirge for My Mathematical Honor"

Trapped.
The slow downfall of rain dulls my-
heavying senses,
And I can't calculate--
the answer.
("In life, you will encounter lots of problems with more than one answer and you might have some rounding error.")


Thing to be grateful for today: Breaking out of form.

Mother's Day

I made a delicious brunch for my mother this morning:



Yeah, that's right. I make drop biscuits instead of using a cookie cutter. Wanna make somethin' of it?



You can't tell, but there was garlic and red bell pepper under all that green. See the little bit of it peaking out in the bottom corner? Those vegetables went into some great eggs Florentine, if I do say so myself.



It was all very good.



This is what my mother did today.

Thing to be grateful for today: All of the wonderful mothers in my life, my own in particular.

Cleaning House

I spent all day cleaning this room, and here are the results.



I have to say, I'm impressed with myself. Go and compare that to the picture I posted this morning. It turns out that I do in fact have a desk and not a barge of floating garbage on one side of my room. I didn't get around to vacuuming, because by the time it was ready for that, the rest of the house was asleep. I'll have to do that tomorrow morning for sure, because the floor is disgusting (I hate carpet, I very much want to pull mine up and make it stained concrete or wood).



I don't think my desk has ever looked this good. Ever. I quite like the way I arranged everything (I fiddled and experimented with that a lot). I wish the picture weren't so crappy, but not enough to go back and take another one (don't judge, it's almost one o'clock in the morning).



The knitting area always looks a little trashed, but that's because there is only so much organizing you can do with a bunch of plastic bags filled with yarn mixed up with smaller plastic bags that have half-finished projects in them. I at least have the shelves in the background organized, and in my defense the contents of the bags ARE organized.

Cleaning out my room was very therapeutic for me. Not only did I reorganize the things that are in there, but I also removed the things that I did not need or want. I dove into the depths of my room, reaching into its darkest corners, and examined its contents fully. I now know pretty much exactly what is in my room, and have a reason for everything being there.
The process of going through all of my things like that physically also had me sifting through myself and finding the things I did and did not need. It amazed me how simple things like finding a sugar-free mint on my floor could bring up so much emotion for me. Cleaning off my desk I discovered old scraps of paper with poems I'd forgotten about scrawled across. I found 41 old letters from the most difficult period of my childhood in a box in my closet. I sat down on the floor and took the time to read each and every one. They're back in my closet now.

Thing to be grateful for today: Mints.

Never Again

Remember what my room looked like back in January? The mess came back, and this time it brought friends. Update to come this evening. If this room isn't spotless by the end of the day, you are all allowed to scorn me.



Shameful.

Flight

I run. I love to run. Running is, at best, the closest I could ever come to natural flight, and at worst, a great way for me to feel good about myself. The feeling of gravel beneath your feet as you push off of the ground in an attempt to leave it forever is truly divine. The experience of hitting what you think is your limit and pushing through it until you feel as though you could run forever can be more freeing a feeling than any other.
Not all surfaces are created equal. I hate running on concrete. I can't stand it. I can never go as far as I want to and the next day my knees creak like nobody's business! Personally, I like gravel. It's softer than concrete, but doesn't give enough to take away your natural spring. That's why I run on our local Hike and Bike trail. The full loop is about three and half miles, which is a great amount for me to be running right now. The heat makes it harder, but its so beautiful outside that I don't really notice.
Sometimes, when I'm at the beginning of a run, or otherwise not so exhausted during one that I can focus on the conversations around me, I hear very funny things indeed. I pass all kinds of people on the trail from all walks of life. It's fascinating,
When I was younger, my mother and I would go out to the trail all the time. There were times where we went almost every day. At that time I walked, and it was beautiful, but it wasn't beautiful like running is. Walking allowed me to really absorb everything fully and see what was around me. Running is internal beauty blending in with external beauty like a watercolor that's bleeding. There's a point in your run where you become so worn out that you have to pretend your body is a part of the landscape, and it is moving because that is all it can do, and so you keep going, feeling that you are at one with your surroundings. The freedom of running can open you up to the cosmos if you let it. Will you let it in?

Thing to be grateful for today: Freedom.

Amber Alert!

Hi guys, I'm dedicating this post solely to trying to spread the word that a girl who goes to the program I work with, Citizen Schools, was abducted this morning from in front of Bedicheck Middle School. Her name is Karen Anastacio. Here's the amber alert link: http://www.helpfindmychild.net/karen-anastacio
PLEASE be on the lookout and do all you can to try and help this girl get home safely. Spread the word!
Here is a picture of the suspected kidnapper! http://images.news8austin.com/media/2010/5/6/images/02rojas.jpg
Thing to be grateful for today: The programs that help us to find missing children.

Busy Busy Busy

I've been rather busy today, but I also have a confession to make. I watched Glee during the time I could have been spending writing a blog post (for the record, this weeks episode of Glee was actually rather good. It made me burst into raucous laughter more than once). That means, I'm posting a poem, which I hope is acceptable.

The End All, Lose All

A young man, stumbling,

(Blind.

Broken.

Heartless)

Towards the end all,

Lose all.

The shade of suburbia

Lies

Shattered at his feet.

Burning oil drums line the pavement.

(So many lost boys

Holding candles of hellfire,

The wax dripping

Down their burnt digits.)

The light catches his eyes,

And you’ve seen them before:

When bombs are dropped

On innocent souls in the night;

When sweaty burgers are shoved

Down gullets into swollen bellies;

In the faces of chemotherapy skeletons

Lying prone on hospital beds;

In your own face

(Creeping closer).

He falls to the dusty concrete,

Shallow cheek pressed to the ground.

Next to him is a fallen barrel,

Its oil spread into a sticky pool.

He lifts himself up on quaking arms,

Stares deep at his own reflection in the pool,

And with a self-satisfied grin,

Collapses,

Not to breathe again.

Thing to be grateful for today: Good communication.

Random Knitting Rant

Hey. May is for finishing...starting tomorrow. Today, I really wanted to work on the blanket.

'

I have no regrets.
It's 28.5". That's not bad at all. Of course, if I want to stick my plan and have it totally blocked and unpinned so I can sleep under it on the first night of 2011, but not finish knitting in November and then put off blocking it for a month, rather than actually knitting it throughout and to the end of 2010, I'll have to start pacing myself. Maybe one row a day? I REALLY want to still be knitting this thing on Christmas. In FACT maybe I'll make that the official cast off date. Sounds like a plan. Here we are then: Official cast off date for the blanket is December 25th, 2010.

Anyway, tomorrow I hope to have a finished project to show you. Today though, not so much. I've got a couple of neat things running around my head, and I'm trying to give them a firm, WAIT, because I need projects to work on for Germany. The plan right now is to knit one sock on the journey there and one on the journey back, but we'll see how that goes. I'll want to bring the blanket, though I'll probably just put the second piece on hold and start the third one IN Germany so I can carry it around more easily...a third project for the trip is almost certain. Non-knitters, don't judge.

Thing to be grateful for today: The people who I know will listen and the people who I know will tell me I'm wrong.

May Is for Finishing

May is for finishing. I have several projects going right now (knitting and otherwise) that I told myself I'd finish this month. You've seen the knitting projects, so I'll leave those be, but otherwise, there are three things I'd like to finish this month.
My veil painting.
My journal (Well, technically I'd like to be done with this on the last day of school, that way I could, on the first day of summer, start writing in the new fancy journal that I bought in Amherst ).
My Rosetta Stone Program in German (well, technically, I'd like to finish most of it this month and then work intensively on it the first week of summer, just before I go to Germany).

Speaking of the German trip, I thought I ought to start talking about my plans because, as you might have guessed, I won't be able to blog while I'm there, or at least not every day. Therefore, I have to figure out something to do. I have a few ideas. I'm fairly certain that I'll need a guest blogger, though I might distribute the chore between a few people if Lauren doesn't feel up to writing a little something every day. I'm also planning on writing a little something (poetry, journal entries, etc.) every day, and then posting it all in one uber-post when I get back. How does that sound to you guys? Maybe my mother would like to put up a few posts while I'm gone?

Thing to be grateful for today: Making it through.

I'd like to begin with a thank you to Lauren for temporarily saving the blog when I was off of the computer. Yay, Lauren!
The next order of business is to announce the winner of last week's philosophic question response drawing. Will, you get a hat. Come talk to me and we'll decide what you want, though I'm pretty sure I already know.
Yesterday was prom at my school.



I wore the socks I made to add some subtle flair to my otherwise colorless attire.



Here's my lovely date, Megan. She was a total charmer. Totally awesome.



It was an amazing night and I have so many people to thank for that.

Thing to be grateful for today: Friends past, present, and future.

GROUNDED! (Sort of)

This is Lauren (yes, that Lauren) substitute blogging on behalf of Gardiner who has been technology-grounded for a few days by Karen for spending way too much time communing with the internet. Interestingly, Karen assigned herself the same restrictions. I've never tried giving myself a grounding though I have given myself a time-out.

Anyway, Gardiner gave me the user name and password to the blog so that you all wouldn't see the blog go dark and think something dreadful had befallen him. He just wanted me to tell you all what has happened so you wouldn't worry, but actually I could say anything I want, couldn't I? And he wouldn't see it for days since he can't use the computer. Bwahaha (rubs hands in an evil-plotting way).

OK, I'm terrible at thinking up mischief since I'm basically a really nice person. Anyone have any ideas?

Creation!

Today, I took a break from school for my sanity. The last couple of months have been really hard on me emotionally, and the last semester has been really hard on me academically, and it all just sort of came crashing down in an avalanche of stress on Wednesday. Therefore, today I let myself create and do homework at a comfortable pace, rather than at breakneck speed.
I spent almost the entire day working outside in the sunshine. It was beautiful. I took my laptop, my notebook, a chair, watercolors, and a huge piece of watercolor paper and settled in. I'd write for a while, and then I'd sit down in the grass and paint a layer, and then go back to writing while that dried.

Here's the second panel of the blanket thus far:





I think that the flowers add a nice contrast.


Here's what I'm painting.





I know that it just looks like a bunch of colors right now, but that's how this style of painting goes. It's called "Veil Painting" and the point is that you use VERY light veils of primary colors one on top of the other to bring out shapes and secondary/tertiary colors. I already have a final product in mind, but for now that's a secret (unless you're Lauren, in which case I'd like you to let everyone else watch it grow organically).

Today was so good for me. I regret nothing.

Thing to be grateful for today: Art.

But...

I was planning on posting something awesome tonight...but life got in the way...I'm sorry...KEEP COMMENTING!

Thing to be grateful for today: My cousin, Claire.

Finishing (Sort of)

Today, I "finished" two projects.
Why the quotations? Well, see, I sort of finished one of them yesterday, and, though I finished the other piece of knitting today, it wasn't the end of the whole project.
Yesterday, I had my first experience felting a piece of knitting and I made this:



It's a felted "brown paper" lunch bag!
Today, I added Velcro to the bag so that it would seal better.



It was not even close to the coolest part of making this bag. The coolest part was the felting! Basically, I knit a really big, floppy brown blob, and then I stuck it into my washing machine for ten minutes and got a dense, sturdy fabric that, once folded, set into the shape of a brown paper bag! The whole thing was really pretty freaking awesome! I had no idea that felting would be that freaking easy!

Today, I also finished the first panel of the blanket!



(It is not actually that tall, it just stretched when I held it up...now I'm worried it was too long. Oh well, it will definitely cover my toes.)
Now, none of you who are regular readers (bless you all!) will have seen this, but I was so consumed by knitterly excitement (and perhaps I'd been exposed to yarn fumes for too long too) that I ran around my high school's campus screaming and waving the thing behind me like a banner. I would be ashamed if I weren't so happy!



Of course, within hours of finishing that panel, I've cast on the second one. It isn't much yet, I know, but it will hopefully blossom into some awesome knitted flower/panel...ok...yeah...I'm getting worked up. Deal.

Thing to be grateful for today: GETTING COMMENTS ON THE BLOG!!! It makes my day every time, because it means you all actually give a shit and at least kind of enjoy reading my blog. Everyone (except for Lauren...and maybe her too) should comment more!

Birthday Poem

4-26-10

I didn't
forget
that it
was your
birthday;
I just
couldn't
say,
"I love you,"
without
betraying
myself.
And what
is a
birthday wish
without,
"I love you,"
but
empty words
on a
Hallmark card,
grabbed
and signed
with no
thought
other than,
"Get it done."

[I love you.]



Thing to be grateful for: Strength.

Philosophic Question Day

All right, today I don't have a whole lot of time, but instead of just saying that, I'm giving you guys five philosophic questions. Anyone who answers them all (ALL!) within the next week gets entered in a raffle for a knitted hat.

1. What were you before you were matter?
2. How can something come from nothing? (As supposedly happened at the beginning of everything)
3. What defines morality?
4. Are you, as an individual, greater than the sum of your parts, or are you no more than atoms and chemical reactions?
5. What does it mean to dream?

Thing to be grateful for: Money to blow on yarn.

SO CLOSE!!

So lately, at least once a day I want to scream four (five) words at the top of my lungs. I want to scream them so loudly that the rafters shake. I want to belt them out at such volumes that my entire city can here. I want to bring the masses (including myself) out of their self-pitying stupor and point out the one thing that actually matters. Love. I want to point out to everyone (still including myself here) that love is all around us, but we choose only to focus on the love we cannot see, because it does not exist. We believe that if we do not personally have that one person who we are convinced will make us happy, that there is no such thing as love, but that's a downright lie. That's why, lately, at least once a day, I want to scream:

"HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL, GODDAMMIT!!!!!"

*hem*
Pardon my French (Parlez-vous français?).

Anyway, there are a lot of reasons to believe this. You just need to find them. My reasons to recognize that there is still hope for things in our world for today:

• Today was an absolutely beautiful day. We're talking out of its mind gorgeous. The sun was shining, and it wasn't too hot (for Texas) and it was just so amazing. It makes me dream in Cummings.

• As old life comes to an end...

• New life begins

Thing to be grateful for today: Hope.

Another Poem

It's poetry day! YAY!

I wrote this poem last summer. Since then, it has gone through many editations.

New Mexico Rhapsody

The wild bleeds hot, musty blood in Texas,

While here, mother mountain cradles us,

Weeping cool tears of love on our cheeks,

Down her own bosom, and onto the trees.

The trees sway in the wind.

Their leaves rustle and call in some long forgotten tongue.

It is Helena.

Invoke her and she’ll bring the rain.

The rain pours here.

Lightning lurches across the sky,

Dragging Thunder along by the coattails.

I hear them coming.

The night is falling and I want to walk that ancient road.

I need to cry.

I step inside and follow the spiral in.

The storm draws closer.

“Why can’t I cry when I feel all of this hurt?”

No answer.

Lightning, then Thunder.

I shed human skin,

Leap from the sacred space,

And fly across the grass and through the trees.

I am a deer now,

Bounding toward the storm,

Seeking shelter.

Lightning. Thunder.

Photographs taken at night.

Exposed to the storm.

Pray for lightning,

Demand it of the heavens.

Walk up and down the road;

The camera captures your soul walking.

Lightning. Thunder.

(Lightning darting forward across the darkening sky;

Thunder loping behind,

Happy nevertheless to be with the one he loves.

Theirs’ must be a passionate love affair;

Crackling and rumbling in between earth and sky,

The storm their bed sheets.

Lightning wraps swift-moving arms around Thunder,

Kisses him electrically.

Thunder is his. Thunder moans.

Thunder holds onto Lightning tightly.

Follows him all around the sky,

But Lightning is always a step ahead of him.

He darts back to Thunder, then soars ahead.

Lightning is flirtatious; he has seen the world.

He wants more than Thunder,

Some nights he sneaks off to make love to the Earth.

Thunder sees.

These are the nights that Thunder cries out the loudest.

Lightning loves Thunder,

But sometimes he forgets.

Thunder will always forgive him.

I heard them last night, making love.

Surely it was a sweet and tender thing they did.)

Your lips were tender on mine,

There, under the First Street Bridge.

I can still taste you.

You taste of coffee and stale nicotine.

It is not a pleasant taste,

And yet coming from you, there is no better.

Just give me a tiny lick,

A tiny sip of your saliva;

A minute piece of your heart,

That I might patch my broken one.

Thing to be grateful for: I've moved on from the heartbreak that caused me to write this poem a LONG time ago.

What Do You Want Me to Talk About?

So, what do you want me to talk about? I'd like to hear from you guys. Just say the word (have you heard the word is love? If you get that reference, I'll write about whatever you like).

Thing to be grateful for today: Good conversations.

Liberated!

Having ripped myself out of my funk, I'm ready to face the world, and that's what I've been doing the past two days. I wish I had time to write a really long, awesome post to express how great it's been doing so, and how liberating, but I honestly don't have time, because part of being in a funk is that I don't do any of my work, and now that I'm out of it I'm working at the speed of light to catch up, so here's a list of things that are making me feel better.

1: I baked with my mom.



We made crepes. Here's the finished product:



These are the ones that I made myself (there were more, but we ate them). They were delicious! For the record, the entire thing is handmade, whipped cream and all (I didn't grow the strawberries).

Here is me holding a reject crepe:



It was amazing, because literally the SECOND I took the shot, that little strand of crepe broke and the whole thing fell to the ground, so that I got this shot at all is a miracle.

2. I ran three miles today. It felt amazing!

3. I now have 56" of blanket. That's pretty freaking awesome!



BEHOLD!

4. The new episode of Glee came out on Hulu today.

5. I feel very creative again.

Thing to be grateful for: The people who took my hand and helped me pull myself out of my funk.

Zzzzzzzzz

I had a very good day today.
I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.
Zzzzzzz...

Thing to be grateful for today: My comfy bed.

Whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

That is the sound that a stressed teenager makes at ten-thirty.

Thing to be grateful for today: Confidence.

TV Is Bad, Children! Don't Watch It!

Here's a list of five television shows that I'm truly addicted too in order of the severity of the addiction (Number 1 being the most addictive).

1. Glee
Glee is such a good show. The writing isn't always great, and neither is the music, but it is so much fun, and I love listening to the music that IS good on my iPod.

2. Lost
Lost is just ridiculous, and I love it. I swear to God, their writers sit down to meet and say, "So guys, what ridiculously implausible thing can we put into our show this week?" So much fun.

3. The United States of Tara
This is such a sweet, funny, well-written show. I think that, as far as writing goes, this show is the best on the list. I definitely recommend this show. Go watch it. Also, the writers get points for making the gay son not "the GAY son" but instead, "the son who happens to be gay". Does that make sense? Basically what I'm trying to say is that they didn't spit out a cliche and say, "Here's the son. He likes to wear sparkles and all of his friends are girls. Also, he likes to braid his hair and thinks everything is 'fabulous'." Not many shows do that.

4. Heroes
I will always have a soft spot for superpowers. I think about what it would be like to have them ever day. There were a couple of seasons in the middle of the show that were not very good at all, but it pulled through.

5. Queer As Folk
This is a very funny show. Totally inappropriate most of the time, but the heartfelt moments that are interspersed throughout make it very enjoyable.

Thing to be grateful for today: My ability to justify watching television by knitting at the same time.

Ripping Out of My Funk

Like the title says, I'm ripping out of my funk. My life's been kind of chaotic lately, and over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed myself seeking control in places where I can actually find it. I've been getting in better shape, writing a lot, speeding up my German learning, and generally trying to get a better hold on what I want to do with my future. I think that all of this has been helping me immensely.
Overall, I've been MUCH happier over the last couple of weeks (the past few days being an exception), but all of this change I'm going through is reminding me of a much rougher patch I went through almost two years ago. I came out of that a much stronger person, but I remember using an affirmation to get myself through at one point. It comes from the fantasy novel, "Dune" by Frank Herbert:

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer;
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear,'
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
Where the fear has gone past there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"

Thinking about this and how much it helped me made me think that I may need an affirmation again. This time, I thought I'd write it myself, so here goes.

"Today, I am an individual.
Today, I am the flesh, bone, and spirit that make me whole.
Today, I love my flesh, bone, and spirit.
Today is a day for loving life,
And loving love,
And knowing that all these things are constants.
Today, I am working toward my future,
And acknowledging my past,
But always living in my present.
Today, I am an individual"

I think it serves it's purpose. Don't you?

Thing to be grateful for today: Affirmations.

Not Happening

I'm not going to blog today. I won't even post a poem. Sorry. I'm not feeling it.

Thing to be grateful for today: "A Rush of Blood to the Head" by Coldplay

Today, I'll Give You a Poem...

...Because, right now, I am trying to put together a series of 100, and you guys are great editors (those of you who I know read the blog are all very opinionated/intelligent, so please do give me feedback).
Here you go. This poem is from a while ago. It isn't my typical style, but it does explore myth.

Masquerade

You are my struggle.
That which holds me back,
Which flows through my veins,
Can be found in your bayous
And in the pines,
Swaying giants in the blusters.

You are a land, so beautiful,
Encapsulated in a wretched hate.
Oils drip from your roots.
The leaves spin about in turmoil,
Unsure of what to do with themselves.
Casting shadows.

Masquerade!
People roam your streets,
Pleasant, kind, even generous,
But cross them once,
And the masks are off,
And beneath,
They are neither pleasant nor kind.

Don't let them come too close,
They'll bite,
Cry "Heathen!
"Hellfire take thee!
"I know the place you go!
"And it is not a pretty one!"

I slip on my mask, and blend with the crowd,
I watch the trees strain for the sky,
Beset with ash and smog,
That sway in the blusters
Of hate and greed.



Thing to be grateful for today: Poetic healing.

Run, Jump, Fail

Today was field day at Waldorf. That means that after their first period class, every student heads out to the field and spends the rest of the day running, jumping, napping, and doing homework (and in my case pretty much failing at all of them). I spent my rest time knitting, and this is what I got.


Sorry for the crappy picture, my camera didn't want to get the colors right, so I resorted to not using the flash, which seriously decreases the picture quality.

The pattern is Brooklyntweed's "Turn a Square", but I'm knitting it in two colors of malabrigo. I know that malabrigo has a lot of die-hard fans, and I love the yarn, but it isn't my favorite. I think the colors are incredible, but something about texture isn't as awesome as I'd like. I've worked with malabrigo more than once, and I plan on using it many more times, I'm just not one of its undying fans.

Thing to be grateful for today: The truth.

Not Much to Report

Today, I don't have much to report...I'm sorry. I would have something cool to talk about (I do have something), but I didn't really get home until around eight-thirty and what with the laundry/large amount of homework I have, a blog post just isn't happening. Tomorrow, I will have very little homework, and I can actually write about what I wanted to write about today, so that works. Anyway, I'll see you guys then.

Thing to be grateful for today: My running buddies!

Blanket Update

Look at the blanket! I've gotten more than four inches done this weekend! Awesome!


Thing to be grateful for today: My good health.

SAND!

I just spent an amazing weekend with a lot of people I very much care about. Every year, the eleventh graders at my school take a class for a couple of months on sand sculpture. When the class is finished, the whole grade takes a trip down to Port Aransas for a sand sculpture competition. Our school tends to place pretty high.
What was interesting about the trip was that it brought out everyone's shadow for me. I saw a lot of the negative aspects of people that I'd normally ignore, but I also saw a lot of positives in people that I don't always have the best opinion of. Pretty much everyone got rather emotional at some point or another (Being with the same people for five days and then being expected to live and compete with them for a weekend just before they go back to seeing them for another five days can take its toll). I had some very transformative moments with people. It was beautiful.
Anyway, we still don't know how we actually did in the competition, but I'm thinking we did really well. We took something that looked like this:




And did some of this:







And made this:






I still think that "Remember the A' La Mode" is ridiculously clever, though it wasn't my idea. Anyway, good night everyone.

Thing to be grateful for today: Home.