OH MY GOD!! IT'S A BLOG POST!!!!!

That's right, I'm back! Did ya miss me?
So, yeah, as many of you know, I've been home from Germany for a week now, and I'm sure that those of you who read all of these posts *cough*Lauren*cough* are wondering what the hell I've been doing.
I've been contemplating closing the blog.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been in a terrible writing slump. I can't seem to write anything that I think is any good, but I am trying. At the moment I have two big writing projects going on, a collection of my poetry and a play that I honestly need to have finished writing in the next month!!! (I'm terrified), so as you might guess, the blog is sort of low on my list of important things that need to be worked on, writing wise.
I would have written more about Germany, but at the moment I cannot put pictures from the trip on the internet (school rules), and probably won't be able to for at least another week or two. I'd really rather have pictures to go with my explanation of why Germany is so incredible, because words really can't do it justice, so that's another reason I haven't put anything up, because the moment I do, someone is going to go, "What about Germany??"
So, between the rule about pictures and my awful writer's block, I haven't really felt any reason to write on the blog.
Today though, something magical happened.
I wrote a poem that I LIKED!!!
So, that's what I have for you today. Keep in mind that it's really still a first draft, which means that I give all of you permission to tear it to shreds. Have fun.

Father's Day

Celebrating father's
day without you,
is like a bar of chocolate
without its wrapper-
exposed to the burning son-
(I've never felt freer).

Seriously though, guys, rip this thing to shreds; that's why I put poems up here.

Thing to be grateful for today: Random acts of assurance.

Still Alive

I'm still very much alive.
Happy Father's day to all of you awesome dads out there.

Thing to be grateful for today: The endorphins produced by German chocolate.

Mini Photo Album

I don't have time to upload a ton of photos to the blog today, so you'll have to live with the few that I have time to put up. The first four are from Friday, but the last one was taken yesterday evening.

Here's a picture of our Darmstadt super-adventure group outside of Darmstadt's very own castle:

I'm impressed that I was able to take very good pictures of our group by myself. However, I apparently cannot do that and look into the camera at the same time.

This was an INCREDIBLE mural in the front hall of a tower in Darmstadt that I went to with a few of the above individuals. It might be my favorite thing so far.

This green spinning thing at the playground of the local Waldorf School might top it though.

We had a lot of fun with that. :D

Apparently, they have pizza that comes with a salad on top in Germany. That AMAZED me!! I had to get a photo of it.

Looks deliscious, right??

Later, we got ice cream. You wouldn't believe how good German ice cream is.

Finally, yesterday, I went over to the house of another person's host family and we made fajitas! They were surprisingly tasty. Apparently, contrary to what I've heard, Germans can make Tex-Mex. Provided, our team of cooks was actually two Texans and a German, but we did it!!

Here are my fellow chefs:

So, that's what I've done for the past two days (actually, that's a tiny taste of what I've done, but I'll post more on that later.).

I love you guys!!

Thing to be grateful for today: My fellow Texas students.

Ich Bin Laufen

(I Am Walking)

I am going to try and post pictures from Germany very soon! It is so beautiful here! My homestay girl is watching Germany's Next Top Model while I write this.

Today, my confidence plummeted. I just feel very overwhelmed by being surrounded by a language I do not understand. I'm trying, and I am listening as closely as I can, but today I just felt very lost. By the end of the day, I was almost exclusively speaking in English, so there were not many people I could hold a full conversation with easily. I know it will get better, but for now it is stressful.

On a happier note, I baked a heart-shaped cake with my homestay partner, Anna, last night. It was a basic batter with nutella added. We layered apple slices on top and then sprinkled it with a crumbly mixture of butter, sugar, and flour. It was so deliscious! I'm going to try and recreate it when I return to the United States.

Tschüss!!

Thing to be grateful for: My awesome teacher, Dr. Miller.

DEUTSCHLAND!!!!!

Hey guys!

I'm in Amstadt, a little town outside of Darmstadt. It's SO beautiful here. Everything is very green and there are trees everywhere. Now, I thought Austin had a lot of greenery, but Germany completely blows us out of the water!!!!

(Disclaimer: You may see an oddly placed Z or Y, and that is because for some reason those keys are switched on German keyboards. Go figure.)

Anyway, it's great here. I went walking through the town yesterday, and today I took a tram to Darmstadt. Both are amazing! The houses are very old and lovely. Also, you know what's amazing? In Germany, you can buy a really good scoop of ice cream for less than one American dollar!!!! Crazy, huh?

I realized something very imporant and disturbing while going through customs yesterday...I do not speak German very well at all...The man checking my passport asked me how long I would be travelling in Germany and I found that I did not know the word for week!!! Fortunately, I've had a miraculous build up of vocabulary over the last 24 hours, and am now able to say that I will be in Germany for 'drei Wochen'. It's a good skill to have.

The school I am going to right now is incredible! It's a huge circle! Everyone is very friendly and not at all upset when I take a full minute trying to say something totally basic. :P

Honestly, I'm surprised by how quickly I am learning and remembering how to speak German. The human mind is an amazing thing.

However, the most difficult thing for me so far has not been the language...It has been the shower. I spent at least five minutes standing butt naked in the bathroom trying to figure out how to turn it on. I would have been horribly embaressed to ask for help so I just stood there trying everything I could think of. I even went and looked for a switch on the wall because I've heard stories of people needing to use a light switch to turn on the shower in Europe.

Tschüss!

Thing to be grateful for today: Kind and understanding people.

Goodbye, America

Tomorrow at eight fifteen, I will be arriving at the airport and officially on my way to Germany.
I'm all packed and ready.
Thanks for being awesome; I'll post when I can.
Auf Wiedersehen!
Thing to be grateful for today: Life-changing experiences.

Yaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn

I took the SAT today. Then I went to a graduation, followed by a graduation after party. After that, I went to a party celebrating one of my more amazing friends. I left my house at about seven twenty this morning and did not come back until after midnight...that means that I spent a good seventeen hours on the go today...Needless to say, I am very tired, and totally ready for bed. However, I owe you guys a post, so here's something!

I realized something very important while talking to a good friend of mine today. Writing poems that can also be songs will make my poetry SO much better. That is not to say that poems without set rhyme and rhythm are not good poems, only that using those tools in such an unforgiving medium as songwriting will teach me the skills I need to then write BETTER poems without set rhyme or rhythm.
That's why, this summer, I'm going on a song writing frenzy. I'll probably be humming tunes at random times all throughout Germany (Will, Greg, bear with me). I've even got some plans to take poems I've already written and make them into songs. I'm really excited about doing that, especially with poetry that I'm not 100% happy with. This will give me a great chance to look over my old work and critique it while still keeping myself amused
When poetry drops from your mouth like drops of water, making rings in the air, you know it is good poetry. THAT is why I am doing this. Poetry is at its highest state when it is spoken aloud. Song is just the next step from that.
Wish me luck! (Again)

Thing to be grateful for today: The people who inspire me.

Film Review

I have to take the SAT tomorrow. I'm not very nervous I guess, but then sometimes I get nervous because I'm worried that I'll get nervous and my nerves will make me do badly...But I'm ignoring that as best I can. I've just about got my bag packed for that ( 3 no. 2 pencils, a calculator, water, and snack). Then I have to pack my suitcase for Germany. So...It's a busy night.

However! I do have something to talk about. Brokeback Mountain.
I finally saw Brokeback Mountain today, and I've got a lot to say about it. First off, there is a very good remark upon our society underlying the whole thing. We live in a world in which many people do not feel comfortable coming out to their family and friends. That is why it is so powerful for two straight men to take on the role of two male characters who fall in love and have a very powerful emotional and sexual connection. When two straight men can step out of there own societally ingrained fear of being perceived as "unmanly" or (God help us!) homosexual and act out these two parts with nothing held back, the door to all of the closet's in the world are opened just the tiniest bit.
What else is beautiful about this film is that it does not make a big deal about labeling. All too often, people feel that, if they are different, they need to cling to a label so that they can feel that they are at least a part of some community. I've done it. To some extent I still do that, and I recognize it, and it's something that I work on, because it is so much more important to be who you are than to be what you are. Sure, you can be gay, Jewish, black, hispanic, bisexual, whatever, but that is infinitely less important than who you are. Brokeback Mountain never addresses the "What are we?" question, because that would have spoiled the love and tenderness that is in the film.
Another big reason I found for loving this film is it's complete acceptance of male sexuality and emotionality. There was no glossing over. These men were certainly in love with one another, but that didn't mean that they were wild and even animal when they made love. They were privately emotional, as so many men are, but when they did open up it was powerful emotion; it completely filled the screen. All too often, our society does not allow for men to be portrayed as both nurturing and loving and powerful and sexual. There is this bullshit idea that runs rampant in our world that raging sexuality and power cannot coexist with love and nurturing in a single moment. I completely disagree and could not think that this film demonstrated that point more beautifully.
The film embraced the idea of very masculine homosexuality, which is an all too often ignored part of our society. Society is much less interested in masculine gay men, because they aren't funny. It isn't funny when gay men stay within "normal" gender roles; it's funny when gay men are flamboyant, boa-wearing queens. The fact of the matter is though, that gay men aren't all queens. There are actually "man's man" (hehehe) gay men out there. Brokeback Mountain fully expressed that aspect of homosexuality, and I really appreciated that.

Overall, it was an amazing film and I would immediately recommend it to anyone.

Thing to be grateful for today: Good films.

HOLY CRAP I FORGOT!!!!

I dropped the ball...
Shit...
I've been feeling depressed today, and now I'm wondering at the purpose of the blog and if its even worth it. I don't even know if more than two people read it anymore. Can I have a shout out just to see who does? If you read the blog with any regularity, can you let me know in the comments? Thanks.

In happier news, I got a signed letter from Barack Obama today for volunteering with Citizen Schools (the program I teach knitting through) for multiple semesters. We had our end of year party today congratulating all of the staff members and volunteers for all their hard work and in the process I was given an envelope containing the aforementioned letter, a presidential medal of acknowledgment for my volunteer work and a diploma from the president. I felt pretty special.
Honestly though, it meant way more to me when I got a big ol' card that my kids and coworkers had signed thanking me for being there. One kid's thank you note was particularly touching. Honestly, the party helped a lot.
Three days until Germany.

Thing to be grateful for: Spray 'N Wash

Good Intentions

So, for the past few days, as summer has been out, I've totally been meaning to do a lot of things...I've only accomplished a few.
I WANTED to work on my German every day (I haven't).
I WANTED to clean my room straight away (I did it today...teehee...rhyme).
I WANTED to not drink coffee, because I have the SAT on Saturday, and I don't want to be strung out (I've had a cup every day).
I WANTED to get to bed by nine every night (I've gotten to sleep past midnight every night).
I WANTED to pack my bags for Germany last Saturday (I still haven't).
I WANTED to finish my old journal last Friday (I did on Sunday).
I WANTED to write a really awesome blog post every night (I haven't).


See, I haven't been a total failure. My good intentions have all been present...they've just had belated results.
DON'T JUDGE!!!

Thing to be grateful for today: Getting things done...eventually...

It's Here...

Summer has officially begun!

You could see that immediately upon walking into the pool today. It was crowded...very crowded...I spent a wonderful day laying in the sun and swimming with all of my awesome friends. It was actually a good-bye party for one of my dear pals who is moving back to Spain this summer, but it was still a really wonderful time and everyone who went really enjoyed it. We started around midday and it was really freaking hot, but that was ok, because the pool itself is a chilly 68 degrees Fahrenheit, so once you've gotten in, your body is more than happy to be in the sun for a while.
At one point, we walked down to get food. We decided on traditional summer food, burgers, fries, milkshakes, etc. Yet again, the summer's presence was denoted by the large crowd at this traditional summer hot spot (hahhaha!). On our way back though, look what I saw!!!



A real life knitting graffiti artist at work! In the spirit of total nerdiness, I took this picture holding up my current project, which I was of course toting around with me the whole time. It was tons of fun. Thanks to Reed for taking this picture for me.

You want to know the true sign that it was summer? See that piece of knitting up there? I didn't knit a stitch of it today.

Thing to be grateful for today: FUN!

A Midsummer Night's Dream

A Midsummer Night's Dream is perhaps my favorite of Shakespeare's plays, and certainly of his comedies.It is beautifully done and filled with incredible juxtapositions. The storyline is all at once very easy to follow and riddled with gems of profundity. Tonight, I went and saw my second production of this show. It was definitely the better of the two (enraged Waldorks, fear not, I did not see this year's Middle School production, so I'm not comparing it to anything).
I took very little issue with the show. It stuck, for the most part, to the original text, relying on costuming and small line changes to bring the show into a 1950's setting. The major difference was, not surprisingly, the show's transformation into a rock opera. The songs were short and few, which was a blessing as few of them really did much to add to the show I'm afraid. All of the actors though were quite good.
Puck stole the show. He was funny, clever, wild, and sexy all at once, everything a good Puck should be. I'm not sure who this guy is (I'll find out), but he really gave new and powerful life to one of my absolute favorite Shakespearean characters. His delivery of the final lines of the show was beautifully done and I'm so grateful to have seen him perform.

Thing to be grateful for today: See above.

Quickie

Hey,
So I've been running around all day (cleaning house, making food, going to the bank, etc.), and am at my house for a brief, relaxing few minutes before heading out again, so I figured I ought to drop a line now. Love you guys!

Thing to be grateful for today: Endings that are only beginnings in suits.

Homework

After staying up past midnight nearly every night this week, I'm done. School is over. I will not be returning until the middle of August, and I couldn't be happier.
Don't get me wrong. I love school. I love to learn, and I love my friends and my teachers (most of them), but eleventh grade has been very hard. In fact, if I'm being totally honest, it pretty much kicked the shit out of me. I'm glad that it's over, but I'm also entirely grateful to have had the experience, because I've noticed that the hardest parts of my life also happen to be the times that I learn the most.
Wow. I just got distracted for an hour going through the Savage Love archives...
You know what, if you don't know what Savage Love is, go google it. NOW!

Thing to be grateful for today: NO HOMEWORK!!!

One Day More

...is a great song...
Anyway, I've got one last night with WAY too much homework (yay for procrastination and early onset senioritis!). Tomorrow, blogging resumes with better posts.

Thing to be grateful for today: Endings.

Pretty colors...

So, I wanted to thank you all for being so patient with the scant posts lately. It's been a pretty intense week, so thanks for not expecting much. Today, I thought I'd distract you with my latest project.



LOOK AT THE PRETTY COLORS!!!

Thing to be grateful for today: My teachers that let me knit in class.

SO CLOSE!!!!!!

Hey everybody! I'm alive, and am continuing to persevere towards my final goal (SUMMER!!!)

Thing to be grateful for today: Essays that interest me.

Seriously

Don't expect much in the way of anything but a daily, "I'm alive, but only because coffee exists," message this week. I'm completely swamped.
I love you all.

Thing to be grateful for today: The nice people who've helped me get home this year when I was at school without a ride.

EDIT!!!!

SO, you might have noticed that yesterday's post sucked ass. There's a reason for that. I wrote it at eleven o'clock at night and didn't bother to edit it. I know that sometimes I don't write anything worth reading on here, but school is out for the summer starting on Friday, and I'm hoping that after that, I will be writing much more profound things (as opposed to TRYING to write about profound things and failing miserably). Of course, after about a week of that, I'll be heading off to Germany where I will hopefully be posting every few days. I will have some internet access there, but it will be very limited.
Anyway, I really appreciate those of you who read every day and am ALWAYS ready to hear criticism. If you think a post is absolute, total crap, please tell me. I'm trying to use this blog as a tool to become a better writer, and last night I did not post anything close to my potential. That was so far away from what I like to think of as my potential that it was on another planet.
I wish I had more time to write on the blog tonight, but I have to write four lab write-ups for my botany class and a first draft of my 2000 word paper on Japanese involvement in World War II. Here's to next week, when I will no longer be in this living hell called eleventh grade.

Thing to be grateful for today: The finish line that I can almost see.

Fate

Today, fate intervened in my life. It was a quite lovely.
For a week or so, my mom have been planning on going to our bank and starting up a debit account under my name so I won't have to carry around shit-tons of money while I'm in Germany. My mom and I went ahead and did it this morning. We went to our bank, which is about five minutes away from our house, and had just sat down with a woman who was going to help us create my account when we found out that we needed my social security number to do so and had to go back to the house to get it.
When we came back, the woman who had been helping us before was busy, so we were handed off to another woman. This woman told us that this was not her regular branch and that she was just there for the day. We began setting up the account, and in doing so had to of course explain that I would be using my card in Germany next month. It turns out that this woman was half-German and she and I ended up talking for a good half hour about the country and its people and history. It was amazing.
She told me about visiting the country, not only as a child, but later on as an adult, and about her relatives who lived there. She hadn't been there for a visit for years. We both attempted to speak German to one another, though neither of us were particularly successful. By the end of it, we both felt very good. She and I hugged. It was very emotional and beautiful.
To think that, had I decided to get my account set up another day, or had she been at her normal branch, or had my mom and I brought my social security number with us to begin with, I never would have met this woman who filled me with confidence about my trip. She told me that our talk had reminded her of how much she missed her family in Germany and had inspired her to try and go as soon as possible, so I like to think that it was really good for the both of us.
That was one of those moments where I plainly see God at work.

Thing to be grateful for today: Little acts of fate.