Creation!

Today, I took a break from school for my sanity. The last couple of months have been really hard on me emotionally, and the last semester has been really hard on me academically, and it all just sort of came crashing down in an avalanche of stress on Wednesday. Therefore, today I let myself create and do homework at a comfortable pace, rather than at breakneck speed.
I spent almost the entire day working outside in the sunshine. It was beautiful. I took my laptop, my notebook, a chair, watercolors, and a huge piece of watercolor paper and settled in. I'd write for a while, and then I'd sit down in the grass and paint a layer, and then go back to writing while that dried.

Here's the second panel of the blanket thus far:





I think that the flowers add a nice contrast.


Here's what I'm painting.





I know that it just looks like a bunch of colors right now, but that's how this style of painting goes. It's called "Veil Painting" and the point is that you use VERY light veils of primary colors one on top of the other to bring out shapes and secondary/tertiary colors. I already have a final product in mind, but for now that's a secret (unless you're Lauren, in which case I'd like you to let everyone else watch it grow organically).

Today was so good for me. I regret nothing.

Thing to be grateful for today: Art.

But...

I was planning on posting something awesome tonight...but life got in the way...I'm sorry...KEEP COMMENTING!

Thing to be grateful for today: My cousin, Claire.

Finishing (Sort of)

Today, I "finished" two projects.
Why the quotations? Well, see, I sort of finished one of them yesterday, and, though I finished the other piece of knitting today, it wasn't the end of the whole project.
Yesterday, I had my first experience felting a piece of knitting and I made this:



It's a felted "brown paper" lunch bag!
Today, I added Velcro to the bag so that it would seal better.



It was not even close to the coolest part of making this bag. The coolest part was the felting! Basically, I knit a really big, floppy brown blob, and then I stuck it into my washing machine for ten minutes and got a dense, sturdy fabric that, once folded, set into the shape of a brown paper bag! The whole thing was really pretty freaking awesome! I had no idea that felting would be that freaking easy!

Today, I also finished the first panel of the blanket!



(It is not actually that tall, it just stretched when I held it up...now I'm worried it was too long. Oh well, it will definitely cover my toes.)
Now, none of you who are regular readers (bless you all!) will have seen this, but I was so consumed by knitterly excitement (and perhaps I'd been exposed to yarn fumes for too long too) that I ran around my high school's campus screaming and waving the thing behind me like a banner. I would be ashamed if I weren't so happy!



Of course, within hours of finishing that panel, I've cast on the second one. It isn't much yet, I know, but it will hopefully blossom into some awesome knitted flower/panel...ok...yeah...I'm getting worked up. Deal.

Thing to be grateful for today: GETTING COMMENTS ON THE BLOG!!! It makes my day every time, because it means you all actually give a shit and at least kind of enjoy reading my blog. Everyone (except for Lauren...and maybe her too) should comment more!

Birthday Poem

4-26-10

I didn't
forget
that it
was your
birthday;
I just
couldn't
say,
"I love you,"
without
betraying
myself.
And what
is a
birthday wish
without,
"I love you,"
but
empty words
on a
Hallmark card,
grabbed
and signed
with no
thought
other than,
"Get it done."

[I love you.]



Thing to be grateful for: Strength.

Philosophic Question Day

All right, today I don't have a whole lot of time, but instead of just saying that, I'm giving you guys five philosophic questions. Anyone who answers them all (ALL!) within the next week gets entered in a raffle for a knitted hat.

1. What were you before you were matter?
2. How can something come from nothing? (As supposedly happened at the beginning of everything)
3. What defines morality?
4. Are you, as an individual, greater than the sum of your parts, or are you no more than atoms and chemical reactions?
5. What does it mean to dream?

Thing to be grateful for: Money to blow on yarn.

SO CLOSE!!

So lately, at least once a day I want to scream four (five) words at the top of my lungs. I want to scream them so loudly that the rafters shake. I want to belt them out at such volumes that my entire city can here. I want to bring the masses (including myself) out of their self-pitying stupor and point out the one thing that actually matters. Love. I want to point out to everyone (still including myself here) that love is all around us, but we choose only to focus on the love we cannot see, because it does not exist. We believe that if we do not personally have that one person who we are convinced will make us happy, that there is no such thing as love, but that's a downright lie. That's why, lately, at least once a day, I want to scream:

"HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL, GODDAMMIT!!!!!"

*hem*
Pardon my French (Parlez-vous français?).

Anyway, there are a lot of reasons to believe this. You just need to find them. My reasons to recognize that there is still hope for things in our world for today:

• Today was an absolutely beautiful day. We're talking out of its mind gorgeous. The sun was shining, and it wasn't too hot (for Texas) and it was just so amazing. It makes me dream in Cummings.

• As old life comes to an end...

• New life begins

Thing to be grateful for today: Hope.

Another Poem

It's poetry day! YAY!

I wrote this poem last summer. Since then, it has gone through many editations.

New Mexico Rhapsody

The wild bleeds hot, musty blood in Texas,

While here, mother mountain cradles us,

Weeping cool tears of love on our cheeks,

Down her own bosom, and onto the trees.

The trees sway in the wind.

Their leaves rustle and call in some long forgotten tongue.

It is Helena.

Invoke her and she’ll bring the rain.

The rain pours here.

Lightning lurches across the sky,

Dragging Thunder along by the coattails.

I hear them coming.

The night is falling and I want to walk that ancient road.

I need to cry.

I step inside and follow the spiral in.

The storm draws closer.

“Why can’t I cry when I feel all of this hurt?”

No answer.

Lightning, then Thunder.

I shed human skin,

Leap from the sacred space,

And fly across the grass and through the trees.

I am a deer now,

Bounding toward the storm,

Seeking shelter.

Lightning. Thunder.

Photographs taken at night.

Exposed to the storm.

Pray for lightning,

Demand it of the heavens.

Walk up and down the road;

The camera captures your soul walking.

Lightning. Thunder.

(Lightning darting forward across the darkening sky;

Thunder loping behind,

Happy nevertheless to be with the one he loves.

Theirs’ must be a passionate love affair;

Crackling and rumbling in between earth and sky,

The storm their bed sheets.

Lightning wraps swift-moving arms around Thunder,

Kisses him electrically.

Thunder is his. Thunder moans.

Thunder holds onto Lightning tightly.

Follows him all around the sky,

But Lightning is always a step ahead of him.

He darts back to Thunder, then soars ahead.

Lightning is flirtatious; he has seen the world.

He wants more than Thunder,

Some nights he sneaks off to make love to the Earth.

Thunder sees.

These are the nights that Thunder cries out the loudest.

Lightning loves Thunder,

But sometimes he forgets.

Thunder will always forgive him.

I heard them last night, making love.

Surely it was a sweet and tender thing they did.)

Your lips were tender on mine,

There, under the First Street Bridge.

I can still taste you.

You taste of coffee and stale nicotine.

It is not a pleasant taste,

And yet coming from you, there is no better.

Just give me a tiny lick,

A tiny sip of your saliva;

A minute piece of your heart,

That I might patch my broken one.

Thing to be grateful for: I've moved on from the heartbreak that caused me to write this poem a LONG time ago.

What Do You Want Me to Talk About?

So, what do you want me to talk about? I'd like to hear from you guys. Just say the word (have you heard the word is love? If you get that reference, I'll write about whatever you like).

Thing to be grateful for today: Good conversations.

Liberated!

Having ripped myself out of my funk, I'm ready to face the world, and that's what I've been doing the past two days. I wish I had time to write a really long, awesome post to express how great it's been doing so, and how liberating, but I honestly don't have time, because part of being in a funk is that I don't do any of my work, and now that I'm out of it I'm working at the speed of light to catch up, so here's a list of things that are making me feel better.

1: I baked with my mom.



We made crepes. Here's the finished product:



These are the ones that I made myself (there were more, but we ate them). They were delicious! For the record, the entire thing is handmade, whipped cream and all (I didn't grow the strawberries).

Here is me holding a reject crepe:



It was amazing, because literally the SECOND I took the shot, that little strand of crepe broke and the whole thing fell to the ground, so that I got this shot at all is a miracle.

2. I ran three miles today. It felt amazing!

3. I now have 56" of blanket. That's pretty freaking awesome!



BEHOLD!

4. The new episode of Glee came out on Hulu today.

5. I feel very creative again.

Thing to be grateful for: The people who took my hand and helped me pull myself out of my funk.

Zzzzzzzzz

I had a very good day today.
I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.
Zzzzzzz...

Thing to be grateful for today: My comfy bed.

Whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

That is the sound that a stressed teenager makes at ten-thirty.

Thing to be grateful for today: Confidence.

TV Is Bad, Children! Don't Watch It!

Here's a list of five television shows that I'm truly addicted too in order of the severity of the addiction (Number 1 being the most addictive).

1. Glee
Glee is such a good show. The writing isn't always great, and neither is the music, but it is so much fun, and I love listening to the music that IS good on my iPod.

2. Lost
Lost is just ridiculous, and I love it. I swear to God, their writers sit down to meet and say, "So guys, what ridiculously implausible thing can we put into our show this week?" So much fun.

3. The United States of Tara
This is such a sweet, funny, well-written show. I think that, as far as writing goes, this show is the best on the list. I definitely recommend this show. Go watch it. Also, the writers get points for making the gay son not "the GAY son" but instead, "the son who happens to be gay". Does that make sense? Basically what I'm trying to say is that they didn't spit out a cliche and say, "Here's the son. He likes to wear sparkles and all of his friends are girls. Also, he likes to braid his hair and thinks everything is 'fabulous'." Not many shows do that.

4. Heroes
I will always have a soft spot for superpowers. I think about what it would be like to have them ever day. There were a couple of seasons in the middle of the show that were not very good at all, but it pulled through.

5. Queer As Folk
This is a very funny show. Totally inappropriate most of the time, but the heartfelt moments that are interspersed throughout make it very enjoyable.

Thing to be grateful for today: My ability to justify watching television by knitting at the same time.

Ripping Out of My Funk

Like the title says, I'm ripping out of my funk. My life's been kind of chaotic lately, and over the past couple of weeks, I've noticed myself seeking control in places where I can actually find it. I've been getting in better shape, writing a lot, speeding up my German learning, and generally trying to get a better hold on what I want to do with my future. I think that all of this has been helping me immensely.
Overall, I've been MUCH happier over the last couple of weeks (the past few days being an exception), but all of this change I'm going through is reminding me of a much rougher patch I went through almost two years ago. I came out of that a much stronger person, but I remember using an affirmation to get myself through at one point. It comes from the fantasy novel, "Dune" by Frank Herbert:

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind killer;
Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear,'
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
Where the fear has gone past there will be nothing.
Only I will remain"

Thinking about this and how much it helped me made me think that I may need an affirmation again. This time, I thought I'd write it myself, so here goes.

"Today, I am an individual.
Today, I am the flesh, bone, and spirit that make me whole.
Today, I love my flesh, bone, and spirit.
Today is a day for loving life,
And loving love,
And knowing that all these things are constants.
Today, I am working toward my future,
And acknowledging my past,
But always living in my present.
Today, I am an individual"

I think it serves it's purpose. Don't you?

Thing to be grateful for today: Affirmations.

Not Happening

I'm not going to blog today. I won't even post a poem. Sorry. I'm not feeling it.

Thing to be grateful for today: "A Rush of Blood to the Head" by Coldplay

Today, I'll Give You a Poem...

...Because, right now, I am trying to put together a series of 100, and you guys are great editors (those of you who I know read the blog are all very opinionated/intelligent, so please do give me feedback).
Here you go. This poem is from a while ago. It isn't my typical style, but it does explore myth.

Masquerade

You are my struggle.
That which holds me back,
Which flows through my veins,
Can be found in your bayous
And in the pines,
Swaying giants in the blusters.

You are a land, so beautiful,
Encapsulated in a wretched hate.
Oils drip from your roots.
The leaves spin about in turmoil,
Unsure of what to do with themselves.
Casting shadows.

Masquerade!
People roam your streets,
Pleasant, kind, even generous,
But cross them once,
And the masks are off,
And beneath,
They are neither pleasant nor kind.

Don't let them come too close,
They'll bite,
Cry "Heathen!
"Hellfire take thee!
"I know the place you go!
"And it is not a pretty one!"

I slip on my mask, and blend with the crowd,
I watch the trees strain for the sky,
Beset with ash and smog,
That sway in the blusters
Of hate and greed.



Thing to be grateful for today: Poetic healing.

Run, Jump, Fail

Today was field day at Waldorf. That means that after their first period class, every student heads out to the field and spends the rest of the day running, jumping, napping, and doing homework (and in my case pretty much failing at all of them). I spent my rest time knitting, and this is what I got.


Sorry for the crappy picture, my camera didn't want to get the colors right, so I resorted to not using the flash, which seriously decreases the picture quality.

The pattern is Brooklyntweed's "Turn a Square", but I'm knitting it in two colors of malabrigo. I know that malabrigo has a lot of die-hard fans, and I love the yarn, but it isn't my favorite. I think the colors are incredible, but something about texture isn't as awesome as I'd like. I've worked with malabrigo more than once, and I plan on using it many more times, I'm just not one of its undying fans.

Thing to be grateful for today: The truth.

Not Much to Report

Today, I don't have much to report...I'm sorry. I would have something cool to talk about (I do have something), but I didn't really get home until around eight-thirty and what with the laundry/large amount of homework I have, a blog post just isn't happening. Tomorrow, I will have very little homework, and I can actually write about what I wanted to write about today, so that works. Anyway, I'll see you guys then.

Thing to be grateful for today: My running buddies!

Blanket Update

Look at the blanket! I've gotten more than four inches done this weekend! Awesome!


Thing to be grateful for today: My good health.

SAND!

I just spent an amazing weekend with a lot of people I very much care about. Every year, the eleventh graders at my school take a class for a couple of months on sand sculpture. When the class is finished, the whole grade takes a trip down to Port Aransas for a sand sculpture competition. Our school tends to place pretty high.
What was interesting about the trip was that it brought out everyone's shadow for me. I saw a lot of the negative aspects of people that I'd normally ignore, but I also saw a lot of positives in people that I don't always have the best opinion of. Pretty much everyone got rather emotional at some point or another (Being with the same people for five days and then being expected to live and compete with them for a weekend just before they go back to seeing them for another five days can take its toll). I had some very transformative moments with people. It was beautiful.
Anyway, we still don't know how we actually did in the competition, but I'm thinking we did really well. We took something that looked like this:




And did some of this:







And made this:






I still think that "Remember the A' La Mode" is ridiculously clever, though it wasn't my idea. Anyway, good night everyone.

Thing to be grateful for today: Home.

Good and Bad

Today was a beautiful day, and I spent it jogging with two of my best friends and then had a nice, delicious, healthy dinner with one of them afterward. Totally great.
On the other hand, I was given a work session (that's like detention, but it's physical labor) for a PDA, but after looking it up in the school's handbook, there were three ways in which the school failed to comply to its own policies in this case. So basically, I'm fighting that shit.
I have total respect for my school, but when I heard that I was getting a work session for PDA, I was frankly appalled. Therefore, I looked it up to see if what they were saying is valid. By their own standards, it isn't. That's not ok with me.
In better news, I've made some progress on the blanket.


It's now 22"x20", so I've made about six inches of progress in length, which isn't bad. Still, it's my project of choice at the moment, so I hope to make some great progress this weekend while I'm at SANDFEST!!!
Basically, Sandfest is a competition on the Texas Coast for sand sculptors. Every year the juniors at my school take a class in sand carving and then head down to the coast to compete. I'm pretty stoked! However, that does mean that I might not be able to blog for two days (actually, it pretty much means that I won't), so yeah. If I can somehow magically conjure up a guest blogger in the next twelve hours than I'll do that, otherwise, the blog will be blank for a couple of days.
Anyway, I love you all, and goodnight.

Thing to be grateful for today: Beautiful days.

LAME

Yeah...tired...homework...write later...promise...

Thing to be grateful today: My grandmothers (I lurv them)

Is There a Twelve Step Program for This?

Hello. My name is Gardiner Brown, and I am a start-aholic.

There is a common problem in the knitting community known simply as "project infidelity". This is when a knitter has MANY projects going at once. I happen to often be one of these knitters, however I do not believe it has ever gone this far.
Right now, I am "knitting" (that's in quotations because I haven't knit a stitch on some of these in months):

1. A pair of fingerless gloves.



2. A cardigan.



3. A second sock.



4. A blanket.



5. A cabled hat with stripes.


(The stripes haven't quite started yet).

6. A shawl.





And despite all of this knitting that I already have, I went to the yarn store, bought three skeins of yarn, and cast this on today:




Thing to be grateful for: The people who love me for my crazy. I love you most.

Eleven Goals for the Last Quarter of the School Year

*See Title*

1. Try to have the computer off by nine as often as possible.
2. I must at least do the math homework my SAT course assigns me.
3. I must try to do five hours of German work a week.
4. I must do half of my homework before I can play on the computer on most days.
5. I may not watch more than an hour and a half of television on any given school night (and that's already pushing it in my opinion and I'm only intending on hitting that on days when a) it is gross outside and b) I don't have homework).
6. I need to get in the habit of writing outlines for essays.
7. I want to knit with my first plant fiber yarn.
8. Take one hour to enjoy myself without any electronic media after school each day.
9. I need to finish my mother's shawl and knit two pairs of socks.
10. I need to finish most of my play and have a good collection of poems in one word document.
11. I need to read this to myself once a week.


Thing to be grateful for today: The sense of power that a good list gives me.

10 (11) Albums You Should Listen To

Here's my list of ten (eleven) albums that you shouldn't definitely give a listen to (These are in no particular order other than the order in which I thought of them):

1. Joanna Newsom - "Have One On Me"
2. Ben Folds - "Ben Folds Live"
3. Bon Iver - "For Emma, Forever Ago"
4. Bright Eyes - "I'm Wide Awake It's Morning"
5. Coldplay - "A Rush of Blood to the Head"
6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Greatest Hits"
7. Regina Spektor - "Soviet Kitsch" and "11:11" (I know that it's two albums, but listening to these together is very important because it shows you just how varied this artist is.)
8. Toad the Wet Sprocket - "Dulcinea"
9. The Postal Service - "The Postal Service"
10. The Beatles - "The White Album"

Thing to be grateful today: Family in blood, law, and love.

New Fairy Tales

Disclaimer: I make a lot of definite statements in this post that most of you are not going to agree with. I don't expect or want you to agree with me, only because the world needs diversity and I know that I'm slightly mad. Let's agree to disagree, shall we?


I'm fascinated by mythology and old fairy tales. I'm especially infatuated by the idea of taking these ancient stories and giving them a contemporary spin. I've written poetry before about fairies who fall in love with a man in modern times, and I've had a story about a lesbian capturing a selkie and making her her lover. I've already mentioned that I'd like to make a series of knitted objects based on fairy tales.
For me, fairy tales are a door into the world of dream. They are real and yet finding them in our waking life is very rare. This gets even rarer as we age and the world tells us that, if you cannot capture something, cut it open, and inspect its innards, it does not exist. Those stories don't work like that though. Our relationship to them is symbiotic. We provide a place for them in our world (unfortunately this place is shrinking fast), and they give us escape and wonder.
There is certainly an escapist aspect to all of this, because they are a quick and easy way out of a reality that can sometimes feel very constrictive (at least for me anyway). There are all sorts of old tales to explain the wind, the rain, the death of a baby, everything, and by virtue of the fact that these are still a part of our folklore, we keep them alive. I believe that the day we let go of the whimsy and power that these old tales call forth is the day humanity has lost its soul.

Thing to be grateful for today: Late-night blog inspiration.

Discipline!

I'm having a bit of a knitting discipline problem right now...
Who wants to knit a second sock, or a blanket, or the second half of a shawl/afghan thing, or a buttonband for a cardigan you had planned on finishing months ago when you could be knitting a weird hat! Or this! Or THIS! Or even this crazy endeavor! You see, you might not have noticed, but right now I'm not feeling very project monogamous.
There's a real problem with project non-monogamy. It doesn't lead to awesome pictures, especially when you are knitting these new, wonderful things only in theory. You see, those are all patterns that you have to buy online, and that requires a credit card, so getting parental permission can be sketchy. I've got a lot of projects I COULD/(should?) be working on, but right now, I want new and exciting! I want the thrill of a fun new, ambitious project, because right now, my projects are not very challenging.
I did decide on something new to make today that will cost me no money at all, but I'm not going to tell you about it and instead I'm going to make it and then post pictures and maybe a pattern. Anyway, I'm tired. Auf Wiedersehen!

Thing to be grateful for today: Lasko fans. I love 'em!

Citizen Schools

Today, I'm going to write a post about the program that I've worked forty hours with over the past couple of weeks, and have been working with once a week for a couple of hours for the past several months, Citizen Schools. Citizen Schools is totally amazing! I've been working with a program here in Austin, and the work that they do is truly doing a world of good for their students.
Though I've been working with their program for seven months now (wow), I still barely new any of the students, because I'd only see a handful of them once a week for a very short while, and I didn't know most of the teachers by name or face (I was already friends with a couple of them before I started my forty hours). Now though, after having worked in their office several days a week and then working after school with the kids most of those days, I've gotten to know so many of the individuals who are a part of the Citizen Schools community, and they are all astounding people who really made me very happy that I choose to work with them.
From day one I felt very welcome, and I've built some strong bonds with both the people who work their and a few of the students in my time there. I really appreciate everything that they do for their community and everything that they've done for me, and I can't wait to see them all on Tuesday.

Thing to be grateful for today: My super awesome coworkers at CS!